Introvert. Interrupted

Being an introvert can be challenging in a work place. But does not need to be

Being an introvert can be both liberating as well as challenging. A few learnings that helped others (as well as me) accept my introvert nature more inclusively.

I don’t think I had a choice. Cosmic aberration apart, one thing is for certain — I was pretty much born this way.

An introvert — perfectly happy to create a world of imagination to weave in and out of. To me it was normal, because in my imagination I could be Darth Vader, caped crusader or a space invader.

Much easier than trying to conform to your expectation of me.

I don’t know why it was this way. But it was. And I never felt uncomfortable in it. I could always switch effortlessly, between an imaginary state of being and reality, based on inclusiveness which was hinged on utility. In most instances I didn’t need a lot of people to feel good about myself.

School was easy. At that age people forget faster and are less insecure.

I could play a good game of soccer, climb trees, do music, easily ace geometry theorems, get people out of detention by solving maths problems and win boring things like school quiz and chess competitions. It was enough to win some nerdy friends. Some cool ones as well.

While in a group, I loved becoming invisible and pulling the disappearing act, with the right individual I could light a house on fire.We could become Batman and Robin. I worked hard on winning those relationships and keeping them. And who doesn’t love the idea of caped crusaders ?

The going got a little tough in high school and college. It was the badlands. An “either you are with us or against us” kind of a scenario. The introverts could be singled out easily and banished, to once a year social activities like comic con while the cool kids got to hang with the girls and do the frat parties.

I didn’t miss the parties. I found them boring to varying degrees. I was not against the concept of parties. Parties were cool- they just got boring after one hour. The internet was way more interesting 24/7.

Back in uni though, I knew I had to adapt to not be a complete misfit. I just needed the safety of a controlled environment. Enter the society of Space Invaders, Sunday Bird Watchers, Friday Fox Hunters and so on. I had no interest in space invading or fox hunting, but it let me meet people in smaller groups where the the peer pressure was less.

Score.

Add to this the ability to grow long hair, hold a debate on the demerits of capitalism, solve calculus, rock a Nirvana song on stage, miss classes with impunity but still ace the exams and I slowly became popular.

Score again. This time even with the girls. It was classic game-theory all around. Long live Adam Nash and the Nash equilibrium.

I was not an outcast anymore. I was just anti-mainstream.

Ding.

Come to think of it I have never obsessed over this whole introvert extrovert discussion. I am not extremely proud of being an introvert. I am just more secure in accepting, that I am one. I don’t defend it anymore, though I would love to be a little less intense at times.

We are who we are. We need to adapt to the extent we can, to be included and to include others. I have a lot of friends who are extroverts. They make life much more exciting. They bring people together, they get everyone energized, they muster support, they make a place alive.

They drive abundance of hope and energy. Energy we all need.

They also ensure, I don’t have to do any of the things listed above. If I had to organise a group activity of more than 50 people (something I have used to my benefit in my own way many times) It would be the worst. group. outing. ever.

So I try to find them. I try to recruit them in my teams, so that they can build energy within the team. Drive balance. I love learning from them and in following their lead in a community environment. I observe how they make a community more thriving. I see where I can deliver maximum value within that environment, by being myself. (Ha- maybe fix the wi-fi or the printer, if you love stereotypes)

Over the years I have been self-reflective to ensure that my introvert nature does not cause me to create seclusion. Seclusion is harmful and negative. Accepting who I am helps me understand what my gaps are and how I can improve in them. In a team dynamic it allows me to plan my team better. Allocate the right responsibilities to the right people who can balance each other. Empower people to take ownership and be accountable. Back them when needed and lead without feeling the need to be under the spotlight. It works for me. Over the years I have improved as a manager.

And yet there is a long way to go!

In meetings and conferences, my introvert nature helps me observe how consensus actually comes to fruition. It helps me understand the nuances that drive people and their beliefs. Am mostly silent in meetings and conferences unless I am required to make a point or its a strategy am delivering or a QBR am reporting on. In most other meetings I do not think I have revolutionary stuff to say that has not been said before or is not painfully obvious. Saying something just to sound intelligent or from a political perspective, conjures up mental memes of Russel Crowe screaming “Are you not entertained” in Gladiator.

That bores me. To no end.

Most meetings don’t really focus on innovative discourse or problem solving. Most meetings strive for agreeing with a larger collective on a common goal. To manage expectations and foster collaboration. There is a lot of fun in that. It teaches me to adapt. It also gives me an opportunity to learn from others. hear different ideas. Observe what makes a collective work. It’s worth its weight in gold, because in any workplace the power of the collective is what drives success. Singular great ideas don’t often drive monumental change.

Over the years what I have realised is that it doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert. Both can survive if you can balance where you fit in within the criteria. Both can survive through inclusion and the most important part of all this for me, has always been driving towards my own ability to be more inclusive.

Not a schism or an ism.

So if you see me with a blank look and a vague smile when you next bump into me in a corridor, don’t jump to a conclusion. I am actually in my head “Walking in Memphis” .

I am just an introvert. Interrupted.